INSIDE

sometimes your heart will hurt. sometimes your smile will ache. sometimes your light will dim. sometimes your spirit will break. sometimes your entire world will come crashing down with no warning, and no signs.. but no matter how destroyed you feel - you have to be willing to dig deep inside of yourself to find some ambition to get you back right. you have to look out for you. you have to let go. you have to place your focus primarily on YOU. nothing about losing what’s familiar feels good.. but uncomfortable places can be beautiful. growth is beautiful. you are beautiful. you shouldn’t have to wait around and pray for someone to love you. you should love you. you should let go - because nothing worth holding onto will ever destroy you. and holding on is destroying you. trying to love someone into loving you - is destroying you. let go because you have to get a hold of you. you have to retrace your steps and figure out where you let YOU go. you have to take time to yourself to reflect on when and where you lost yourself. you have to let go of what no longer is - and accept what may have never been.. then you have to pick yourself back up. you have to release any negativity clouding your mind and you have to rid yourself of hopeful feelings. cleanse your soul. listen to your intuition. learn yourself. let go of any bad habits you’ve picked up along your journey. and start over. no matter how bad or how much it hurts.. let go and start over. holding on is destroying you.

TIME⏳ CHANGE EVERYTHING

                            It's never the changes we want that change everything.

                                                          -Junot Díaz                    

Things happen. People change. Their feelings change. They look at life from a completely different viewpoint. You always wish you never grew up coz a grown ups life is always such a mess. Those childhood memories. The weird things we used to do as kids. The carelessness. The sorted life we used to live. Nothing to worry about. But all this tends to disappear once you grow up. You are no more careless. You have to ‘behave’ now. Just behaving like a grown up is in itself so tiring. The secret of a happy life still kies in being a little careless, being a kid. Not expecting much. Expectations kill a person from inside. Adults tend to expect so much out of a single human being that by the end of it everyone is left unsatisfied. Satisfaction becomes the utmost priority for an adult. Remember the days when we were satisfied with just a single candy. But as we grow old, we expect more and as we expect more we are satisfied even lesser. The only thing missing in our lives is those good vibes. The definition of ‘fun’ has changed. Those small little things that used to make us smile are the same things that we don't care about now. Life has become materialistic. People have become materialistic. Relationships are materialistic. Those moments of sheer happiness won't come back until we stop being stuck in the world of materialistic things and look upon other things that can make us happy. We seek happiness in all the wrong places. The heart is happy when the soul is. Live life like it's supposed to be lived. Get away from negativity. Expect less. Make moments. Make others smile. Smile with others. Just smile. No matter what.

my life❤️

Sometimes someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting at all. Until something makes you feel again and then it all comes back. Every word. Every hurt. Every moment. How could you even understand where I come from? Even if you ask. Even if you listen. You do not really hear, see or feel. You don't remember my story
 You haven't walked my path. You haven't seen what I have seen. My past defines me. This is who I am. I am unseen, unheard, unwanted. This is what I am if even I am anything. It seems like the same thing that held me up, forced me down and the world turned upside down. Nothing is how it's supposed to be and heavy sadness filled my soul. Deeper and deeper I fell within myself and nothing could draw me out. Trapped in the misery of my life. Lost in the sorrows of my soul. Unable to see the light. Unable to see the dawn. Unable to feel, to dream.  And I find the darkest days of my life kept coming back. The blackest nights for my soul never stopped. It seemed like morning sun would never rise in my life. And maybe you wonder why, but mostly you try not to think about it and try to get by and survive. And all the other things feel like nothing compared to just wanting to see the most important things back in your life. Like wanting your mom's smile again, hear her sing that one favourite song that always calmed you down when things were almost tough or if you couldn't get her back at least get to take care of your baby brother coz you know he needs you. He's going to be scared all alone. And who's gonna hold his hand? But who will whisper it to me that everything will be alright. I know I am helpless, dependent, desperate but what happens when the one's you need the most threaten your very existence. I've heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same. But push hard enough and sooner or later they prove to be empty. The sun comes up every morning but do you know where? Each place is somewhat different. It's hard to find East when you keep moving around, but at least the sun comes. It always comes. And slowly, slowly seasons changed around me and it seemed this that that maybe the world will not be pulled from under me. Feet safe, roots starting to grow, little buds of hope for me slowly attempting to trust this new life. I was someone who you would tell it's gonna be okay. That one day, maybe, I'll feel normal. That I'll have a mommy who'll hug me and be stronger for me because maybe I can't do it all by myself. This, my past. My history. My story is not my fault. It's not because of me. It doesn't have to be what defines my future. I am lovable. I am worthy of care and I glimmer a light that makes all the difference. The glimmer of light gives me hope that someday my summer will come.

we are family

She had fallen in love. For the first time. Everything seemed to be so perfect to her. She was the happiest soul. All she wanted was love and now she had it. But that really wasn't enough. Just being in love in this society isn't enough. The family then came in the picture. Things changed. Her mother raised her to be someone she was always proud of. She never let her down. Or never even thought of doing it. But she never thought that falling in love with someone would hurt her mother's pride. She saw a different side of her. The motherly affection had suddenly disappeared. Did she really deserve it? Love came with a cost of family to her. She was shocked to see all of it. She was shocked to see her dad behave that way. She had never imagined him being so influenced by the society that he would ignore his daughter’s happiness just to maintain a social image. Just because he did not want to answer the society? Her princess was lost. She was lost in the battle between her family and the one who came in her life and brightened it. This little soul had to go through a lot. Her superhero brother turned into a villain. Out of everyone she thought he would support her. But then again she expected too much. He did not think of her sisters happiness. He did not want her to be the ‘topic’ on everyone's mouth. Just being in love is not enough. The real fight starts after it. Dealing with the family, the society and making it through everything. It's not at all a pretty picture. When you are done fighting with all of it, if even then the love remains between those two loves then that will remain forever. But that is what is difficult to keep. Keeping your love safe and away from the societal taunts. Love will triumph one day when all of this ends.