You haven't walked my path. You haven't seen what I have seen. My past defines me. This is who I am. I am unseen, unheard, unwanted. This is what I am if even I am anything. It seems like the same thing that held me up, forced me down and the world turned upside down. Nothing is how it's supposed to be and heavy sadness filled my soul. Deeper and deeper I fell within myself and nothing could draw me out. Trapped in the misery of my life. Lost in the sorrows of my soul. Unable to see the light. Unable to see the dawn. Unable to feel, to dream. And I find the darkest days of my life kept coming back. The blackest nights for my soul never stopped. It seemed like morning sun would never rise in my life. And maybe you wonder why, but mostly you try not to think about it and try to get by and survive. And all the other things feel like nothing compared to just wanting to see the most important things back in your life. Like wanting your mom's smile again, hear her sing that one favourite song that always calmed you down when things were almost tough or if you couldn't get her back at least get to take care of your baby brother coz you know he needs you. He's going to be scared all alone. And who's gonna hold his hand? But who will whisper it to me that everything will be alright. I know I am helpless, dependent, desperate but what happens when the one's you need the most threaten your very existence. I've heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same. But push hard enough and sooner or later they prove to be empty. The sun comes up every morning but do you know where? Each place is somewhat different. It's hard to find East when you keep moving around, but at least the sun comes. It always comes. And slowly, slowly seasons changed around me and it seemed this that that maybe the world will not be pulled from under me. Feet safe, roots starting to grow, little buds of hope for me slowly attempting to trust this new life. I was someone who you would tell it's gonna be okay. That one day, maybe, I'll feel normal. That I'll have a mommy who'll hug me and be stronger for me because maybe I can't do it all by myself. This, my past. My history. My story is not my fault. It's not because of me. It doesn't have to be what defines my future. I am lovable. I am worthy of care and I glimmer a light that makes all the difference. The glimmer of light gives me hope that someday my summer will come.
